I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
