Can i not drive my cunt home
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
