This is not my ceiling
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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