I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
