ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
