you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
