I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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