Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This is the high leading the old right now
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
