Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
