any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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