Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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