Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
