WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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