ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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