you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
