FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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