What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
