When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
