Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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