Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
