2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
