Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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