But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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