Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
