Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
