So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
