dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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