oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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