Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
