this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
wow bdsm is so cute
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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