you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
