Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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