You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
