Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
smell my finger.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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