This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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