Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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