I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
