Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
