If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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