she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
