you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
