What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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