Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
