obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
