If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
