I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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