32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
