where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
