I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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