ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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