i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
farters have to be the big spoon...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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