Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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