I just pynch a tree in the face
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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