you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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