I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
