i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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