It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
